COT 2 - ELECTRIC BLOGALOO: 2005-08-21

COT 2 - ELECTRIC BLOGALOO

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Here's what I've learned (am learning) thus far since my tenure in Sis-ki-you County...
Well howdy again C.O.T. Agents (and Spies)! Here's what I've learned (am learning) thus far since my tenure in Sis-ki-you County...
1. There is absolutely no one here that is anything like me. Not in a, let's say, 50 mile radius. Or, if there is, they are even more reclusive and cynical than I am. This is not to say that there is no one here that I like...but it's doggone lonesome up in these here parts. Even the so-called "radical" post-Sixties set think I'm too extreme. They don't say this, of course...but I can tell when I hand them a Church on Thursday flyer (which states "ARM THE ARTISTS!" that they're a little offput and really want nothing to do with me.
2. The people here (as a whole) are some of the rudest motherfuckers one is likely to encounter anywhere. No, not all of them...just like not everyone who lives in Iraq is a Muslim. I already knew this and so did you if you have read Blogs of yore.
3. I really am being watched. Today, I was laying on a bench reading in the park downtown and was approached by TWO police officers. They asked if I was "okay" and I said "Yes" (because I was), and then they inquired if I might be drunk. I might be but I wasn't at that particular time (10:00 a.m.)...I was reading. Is that such abnormally suspicious behavior that it took two police officers to investigate? I guess we know the answer to that question. By the way, did you know that you cannot be a police officer if you have an IQ over 115? It's true. Maybe it's 117 or 114...but in that ballpark. My IQ is 164...I'm not a supra-genius or anything but...115? Hmmmmm. Aren't people considered "retarded" if their IQs are just shy of 100? So a police officer--if they're really smart for a cop--has an IQ about 20 points higher than a retard. And I've got an IQ FIFTY points higher than a cop?! Oh, who trusts those IQ tests anyway...well, I guess the police do if they won't let you join their exclusive ranks if you get too high of a score. Hey, and it's not my fault. Mabye I should cease referring to myself as Prince of Libanus.
Alright, I'm sick of this "Things I've Learned" list already...
BUT, I must thank Mr. Christopher Vaught for bestowing me with a copy of Wilco's A Ghost Is Born. I finally "get it" (isn't it cool when that happens?). It might be my favorite Wilco album. Sometimes music is a savior. Thanx Vaught! Anyhow...thanx for all the e.mails and poems and art and unfathomable miscellany. Happiness is a warm gun...As Ever, your loyal Prince of Libanus, FELIX

¶ 12:43 AM //

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sub-Sonic Psychological Warfare in South Yreka

Howdy Again C.O.T. Agents (and Spies),

It's been another uneventful day in Sis-ki-you County--unless you count the sub-sonic psychological warfare experiment that was being conducted today in South Yreka. You probably think I'm joking. You probably didn't go to the Yreka Raley's this afternoon either.

In a bLog of yore, I told ya'll about how socially fucking inept Yrekans are. Even though I done spent most of my youth in Y-Hicka, I still ain't used to it. Normally I wouldn't give Yrekans' rude fucking behavior much consideration--I'd just figure that it was a bi-product of my "weird" appearance. EX-FUCKING-CEPT...I've been wearing my C.O.T. Normal Person Disguise regularly (and that includes today when I frequented the Yreka Raley's).

I've encountered rude fucking behavior at the Yreka Raley's before. Once when I told a cashier that I didn't need a bag for the pack of gum I was purchasing and was called (by him) a "Tree-Hugger". And another, more recent, time when I went to pick up a prescription for my mom at the Yreka Raley's Pharmacy and the guy who was working there tells me: "You were crazy in high school". What a fucking cunt that guy is! Especially since I didn't even know that guy (fucking cunt!) in high school and I graduated from high school FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!

Well, today the Yreka Raley's continued it's fine tradition of rude fucking behavior. Here's an abridged version of the events that befell me during my shopping experience:
1. I can't find any aftershave, so I ask an employee if the Yreka Raley's carries aftershave.

2. The Yreka Raley's employee tells me: "No. Sorry."

3. I tell the Yreka Raley's employee that it's not her fault, and say: "Thanks anyway".

4. The Yreka Raley's employee then tells me (in a Manchurian Candidate kind of way): "Thank You".

5. I go to a checkout line to pay for my pomade (pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like response I got from the Yreka Raley's employee).

6. The cashier asks me: "How are you?" (in a Manchurian Candidate kind of way).

7. I tell the Yreka Raley's cashier: "I'm intrigued". Because, like I said, I actually was from pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like behavior of the previous Yreka Raley's employee I enountered and was in the process of pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like behavior of the Yreka Raley's employee I was presently encountering, and simultaneously wondering if the military was conducting sub-sonic experiments in psychological warfare nearabouts the South End of Yreka. By the way...I am not trying to be funny--I was earnestly pondering these things.

8. Even though I am holding only one item, the Yreka Raley's cashier asks me for the third time if it is "everything".

9. Then, she says: "Thank You" in the same Manchurian Candidate kind of way that the previous Yreka Raley's employee that I encountered did.

10. And I realize: "Thank You" is a Yreka Raley's employee's way of really saying "Fuck You".

11. Thus, "Thank You" is the new "Fuck You".

12. So I say to the Yreka Raley's Manchurian Cashier: "Thank You".

13. And, as I leave through the automatic doors of the Yreka Raley's I am saying, under my breath, the following:

13a. Thank your mother.

13b. Thank you and the horse you rode in on.

Ad infinitum.

So anyway...in other, less sub-sonic experimentation in psychological warfare news:

Here is a list of the businesses I support in Yreka...

1. THE VILLAGE GRIND: It's a cafe. I go there almost every day and drink Breves and read.

2. NATURE'S KITCHEN: Q. Where can you buy a lemon bar, a book on Saxon Witchcraft, a Jesus postcard and a cup of coffee (if THE VILLAGE GRIND is closed) all under one roof in Yreka? A. NATURE'S KITCHEN. And they serve up some damn decent victuals as well.

3. DENNY'S: The cook looks like Dennis Rader (The BTK Guy), but he doesn't make the coffee (as far as I know). I only have coffee at DENNY'S. PLUS if it werent' for the YREKA DENNY'S, I wouldn't have a place to sit and read and write until whatever hour.

Here's a list of the businesses I BOYCOTT in Y-Hicka...

1. BISCOTTI's: It's a cafe (or pretends to be), and it's not really called BISCOTTI's...it's something else with a "B". You can't miss it, though, it's right on the corner of Miner and Broadway in Yreka. If you've read C.O.T. Blogs of yore, you should know why. If not...I'm not in the mood to repeat myself.

2. THE REX CLUB: Sacrilidge (!), many longtime C.O.T. Agents will shout. Okay...it sucked bad enough without Mel and Del, and now they've got rid of Maggie for no apparent fucking reason. I won't go there until they re-hire Maggie and give her a raise and give Del his rightful place on The Rex Club Wall of Fame.

3. WAL-MART; I shouldn't have to explain why.

4. And, now, The Yreka Raley's.

Well, I'm-a-done fer now C.O.T. Agents (and Spies)...Keep Rockin' like Dokken!!! As Ever, Your Decline of the West, FELIX

¶ 12:11 AM //

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Official Version of the Truth: August 20, 2005
So, I was on the horn with one C.O.T. Agent #027, Joey Nova, and he done told me that Wayne Hancock was a-playin' down in Petaluma. I was very keen to see Mr. Wayne Hancock as my homie back in Murray, Kentucky, Mr. Dan Dietrich, done hipped me to his music. AND, I desperately needed (I thought) to get out of frickin' Sis-ki-you and go honky tonkin'. I just loaded up an 18 pack of Miller Lite and a flask of Old Whiskey River bourbon and drove on down to meet C.O.T. Agent #027, Joey Nova, and our friend and accomplice Big John.
When I finally done got there after getting stuck in two frickin' traffic jams (!), there was no time to exchange how-do-you-do's (and other such pleasantries), it was almost showtime. Thus, the three of us slammed a few Miller Lites and finished off a flask-full of Old Whiskey River and took straight off to see Wayne Hancock. C.O.T. Agent, #027, Joey Nova, (upon entering Petaluma) asked if we shouldn't get a little something to eat before we tore into our livers. Thus, we were faced with a choice: Eat and go see Wayne Hancock or go to The Central Club and have a few drinks and go see Wayne Hancock. We done chose the latter.
Let me make a long story as short as possible about the Wayne Hancock show:
1. We show up and I am shocked and appalled to see a bunch of recovering Swing kids dressed up like Rockabilly/Psychobilly/Honky Punk kids (or young adults). I call bullshit on this!
2. But I also see the jovial and cool Little Dave (so I'm not too pissed).
3. I turn my back on the Swing Kids (oh, I mean Rockabilly set) and dance to Wayne Hancock and scream "Whoooo".
4. Then Wayne Hancock plays a Johnny Cash number and someone who is not me starts a slam pit with C.O.T. Agent #027, Joey Nova, and Big John and Little Dave. This, of course, offends the stupid Swing (I mean, masquerading Rockabilly, kids).
5. Then I get angry because Wayne Hancock will not dedicate a song to Kentucky and because I can't take any more of the POSERBILLY kids and the show ends.
6. Then we go to The Central Club.
7. And drink a lot.
8. And I see C.O.T. Agent #020, Ellis Dhee, and we converse throughout the evening and I find out that he is a-fixin' to attend Ohio State for Cartography. And I am happy and impressed with this news.
9. Then...C.O.T. Agent #027, Joey Nova, Big John and myself go home because the people at The Central Club are getting much too much too rowdy and are offending our sensibilities.
10. Before retiring, C.O.T. Agent #027, Joey Nova, and myself enjoy a snifter of brandy and discuss Proust and things past.
And that is (almost) exactly what happened.
As Ever, your MK Ultra, FELIX

¶ 10:15 AM //

Sunday, August 21, 2005

It's like deja vu all over again! Yesiree...it's the updated

Church on Thursday Top Twenty

1. Morrissey "First Of The Gang To Die"

2. Billy Bragg "To Have And To Have Not"

3. Kingston Trio "Scotch and Soda"

4. The Auteurs "Junk Shop Clothes"

5. Love & Rockets "Sweet Love Hangover"

6. The Only Ones "The Whole of the Law"

7. Shooter Jennings "Fourth of July"

8. Big Star "The Ballad of El Goodo"

9. John Cale "Fear Is A Man's Best Friend"

10. The Blasters "Long White Cadillac"

11. Blondie "Living In The Real World"

12. Bob Dylan "Wicked Messenger"

13. The Flamin' Groovies "Evil Hearted Ada"

14. Galaxie 500 "When Will You Come Home"

15. AC/DC "Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be"

16. Willie Nelson "Darkness On The Face Of The Earth"

17. Sonic Youth "Shadow of a Doubt"

18. The Fall "Couldn't Get Ahead"

19. The Beatles "Happiness Is A Warm Gun"

20. The Teardrop Explodes "Treason"

F.Y.I. This chart is based on songs listened to* whilst working on the damn Church on Thursday website. Every Sunday there will be a new chart with probably the same songs.

*The damn chart, in case yer a-wonderin' is tallied by a certain program I won't mention by name until they give me free stuff.

¶ 3:22 PM //